were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
