I think I won the penis lottery.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
