I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
