she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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