Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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