Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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