And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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