I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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