I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
