omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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