I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
