i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
