Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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