do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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