I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
