The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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