He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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