Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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