He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
