His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
