is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
