i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
