I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
