Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
