Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
