Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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