You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
