highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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