the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
