we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my liver is dry heaving
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
