my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
