can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
