I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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