I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
