You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
