She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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