My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
this is an emotional support booty call
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
