I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
