i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
