OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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