9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
