Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
