ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
