I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
