At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
