last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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