Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i need some magic done to my vagina
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
