I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
