He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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