hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
