I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
