Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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