I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
