oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
