there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
