Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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