Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
