Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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