He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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